Fix you......

Lets say,this is for those really nice guys!You know,those of you with dreamy eyes n soft hearts and mostly unaware of it.Those poor souls who never mean harm to anyone,just live their lives,eventually fall in love (whatever that means).....get bullied by mates,then break your heart and get bullied by Suhel Seth (Suhel Seth Who?You know,that asshole from the "Survival Strategies" column in Sunday Telegraph,Graphiti)....and of course,finally die.I've got good news for you bunch of poor,wretched souls......I'm gonna fix you up :-) .Really,I'm not like those heartless people out in the world,I really want to help you.....So just trust me and keep reading ! (Bad guys go away....you'll really get bored and curse me for not having delivered a good blog,I'm just obliging to a moral responsibility!)

Yes yes,trust doesn't come easy so lets just say I've seen too many of you cry babies (very closely may I add) and it suddenly occurred that maybe violence and apathy (Suhel Seth type) is not the best option (though extremely tempting and obvious).So here goes....

(The heart broken,please hang on!)For those nice guys who are still unaware of the perils of "love" (i.e. the poor and inexperienced novices)....a few Murphy's Law for you,to always take heed of....follow them and you'll never break your heart!!!(Don't know Murphy? Lets say he was such a pessimist who would complain at the sound of opportunity knocking at his doors.But curse him as much u want,his Laws never fail to strike !):

1."Love is a function of time,the moment you get interested in someone is exactly the moment s/he gets interested in someone else".

2."The amount of feeling you have for someone is inversely proportional to the amount of feeling that 'someone' has for you"

3.(My favourite!!!) "If it's too good to be true.....it obviously isn't,silly!"

......TRANSLATION (for the really,really dumb) :If you think that someone (that VERY someone :P) has feelings for you too,well........what can i say?

Hang on heart-brokes,don't run away!I really didn't break my promise.You might feel I'm just another bastard like Suhel Seth in disguise but hey,that's the little rebuking inexperienced kids need.....do u guys want them to suffer like you?Take the pains of a broken heart?

Now lets be serious.....

Listen,lets look at things from a different angle.Say a girl proposes to you,what would you do?Obviously depends on the girl,right?Suppose its THE girl (I know Murphy's 2nd and 3rd Law above will never let it happen,but still,lets just suppose).....you'll feel like the luckiest guy on the planet,wont you?But what if its a girl you've never even noticed (or wanted to take notice of).You'll feel sad (because of my very 1st assumption,"you are a nice guy"),but can you possibly bring yourself to fall in love with her,out of sympathy and duty???No, you can't.So whats the point?Its simple,she can't make you change the way you feel about her or for that matter,no one can change the way someone feels about anyone else ("no one", "someone", "anyone" ...."everyone" missed out!!!). If this is clear then just switch places and make your girl the subject of this story.....

If you still can't see it's over and time to get along,then there are two possibilities:

CASE 1. The girl is a bitch,flirted with your innocent heart all along,bailed out at the most opportune moment.

Sub-Case 1: Knowing everything,you still can't forget her.

Course of action:

Jump off the bridge or something more creative,just get rid of yourself.(Cause in this case you are more dumb than nice.So I'm justified to break my non-violence promise.)

Sub-Case 2: You want to get revenge!

Course of action:

Atta boy!!! Uncle Suhel is waiting for you!(PS:I have firm personal belief that he had a crush on Mamata Banerjee and a similar story happened with him.Notice his vengeance and the fact that whatever your problem is,he'll manage to drag her into it.)

CASE 2. The girl is just as nice a soul as you are and you actually understand her feelings......this is complicated.Being able to understand everyone is not a gift brother......coz at the end of the day,you can explain everything,everything but why YOU are the one suffering.All I can say is this.....if you really,truly love her.....you'll just want to see her happy,so just let her be and get along.Might be very hard but time will make you forget.It always does.

Thank you Mr. Suel,hope you liked a dose of your own medicine and take it sportingly (as you expect all of us to take your sick jokes),and please don't sue me.Thank you Ms. Mamata Banerjee,please don't call another strike in Bengal.Neither am I politically backed nor am I a poor farmer,so please don't be a pain in my already sore butt.

This ones goes for all of you....

"When you try your best,but don't succeed,

When you get what you want,but not what you need....

When you feel so tired that you can't sleep,

Stuck in reverse ?

And the tears come streaming down your face,

When you loose something you can't replace,

When you love someone but it goes to waste....

Could it be worse ?

LIGHTS WILL GUIDE YOU HOME....

AND IGNITE YOUR BONES....

N I WILL TRY......TO FIX YOU! " - Coldplay,Fix You (Album: X & Y)

"Let There Be Light....."

.....but the UPS still kept screaming.After all,it's ISM we're talking about.You think they give a damn about the Holy Bible or have any respect for Genesis (or do YOU for that matter ?) ? Ever had the audacity to try and make a count on the number of power cuts in a day here ? Wait,maybe I'm asking the wrong question 'cause most people I know have ample free time......if you can play CS for such insanely long sessions (P.S: I have uninstalled it from my computer),or watch the same socially tabooed video for the 43rd time,or have enough time to read Blogs like this.....you might as well be maintaining a detailed log record for that too!And if so,please let the MD people (bless them!) have that record and don't worry about giving away your intellectual property (provided you know what it is and/or how much of it you posses).

Power cuts are even more irritating when it catches you when you are on an ISM road (night time of course),add a bicycle to this and you have a recipe for disaster.The number of street lamps here,I feel is of the order of as many politicians in our nation who can tell apart a Commando Guerrilla from a prime ape gorilla (how many of you knew that India has the 3rd largest standing army in the world.....conveniently left to hatching eggs on the borders?).So even if there actually is power,it hardly helps you navigate through the rugged and deadly terrains of ISM roads while you are on a bicycle,unconsciously but constantly praying for the safety of your genitals with each jerk.

Now,what do we do when there is a power-cut?Of course the regular cursing and maledictions doesn't count.The most probable option it seems to me,"cell phone jala na yaar",even though there is a starlight sky above (being an armature astronomer myself,I sadly admit that air pollution has led me change the definition of "starlight").Or for the other more "macho" guys,the solution is readily available,the lighter or a matchstick.After all,don't they say "Ek maachis ki tili saalon ki andhere ko hara sakti hai" ?Ya sure,a philosophical way to justify smoking......But really,what happens when that match stick starts burning out slowly?Dying in front of your eyes?Doesn't it seem familiar?That flash of light we all have experienced in our lives.....maybe some 2 years ago......how is that matchstick doing now?.....Aah,snap out of it,those are dangerous words!Don't even bother....."ab potha ho gaya hai yaar,MATIYAO!" .

I know thats as much as I could penetrate to your non-existent senses.So lets call it off a day by completing the phrase......

"....And God said, Let there be light:and there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day....."

(....."yeh kya potha tha?" )
(....."pi gaya yaar!")